Script Writing – Three Lines That Need to Go Away Forever

Posted by on Apr 11, 2014 in Creative Writing | 0 comments

Script Writing – Three Lines That Need to Go Away Forever

Urgent Alert: If you’re a writer, put down your…

Uh, well, I was going to say put down your pen, but let’s be honest nobody uses a pen anymore. Everyone types. And saying “Put down your fingers” makes even less sense. Also, it’s nearly impossible to do without a lot of needless blood loss. And you most likely weren’t typing anyway. You’re simply scrolling and clicking so…

Urgent Alert: If you’re a writer – ya know – continue reading this.

The following is an admittedly tiny list of lines you must stop using from this moment forward. Trust me, your characters will thank you.

I’m not sure why these three particular lines annoy me so much. Probably because they’re like mosquitoes – they suck and they’re EVERYWHERE. If you find any of these lines in your script, novel, or play, you have two options, eliminate them immediately or eliminate them sooner than that.

So without further rambling, I present the list…

1) Hey… be careful out there.

Oh damn, I was going to wander outside with complete and total disregard for my own safety but now that you mentioned it…

I mean, it was perfect timing too because I was about to reach for the door to head OUT THERE! And it makes sense that you’d say that to me because I was being a completely oblivious dolt IN HERE. So I totally needed the warning.

But wait, wait, wait. Run that by me again so I know we’re on the same page. There’s a monster out there destroying the city and I shouldn’t act like it’s just another typical Thursday night? I should creep around and be aware of my surroundings and like – do things to avoid being killed by the monster? That’s genius! I’m going to take your advice to heart and BE CAREFUL.



2) Little help here.

Aaaah, I’ve been scooped up into a tree by one of those pesky nets that everyone in the jungle seems to have. And I don’t want to make a big deal of it. Oh, here come my traveling companions. What do I say to both accurately relay the desperate situation I’m in while simultaneously making light of my helpless position?

Oh, I’ve got just the perfect thing.

Look at them. Look how much they’re chuckling. I bet it’s because they’ve never heard that line before from anyone – ever – anywhere. Because it’s so damned original.

Man, I should’ve really taken their advice to be careful out here.

3) I can hear you, ya know / I’m standing RIGHT HERE!

Wow, Brad and Lisa are just going on and on and on about how ugly my beard is. And it’s like they don’t even care that we’re practically rubbing elbows. I can’t believe that neither of them looked around to check my current proximity before they started verbally eviscerating my facial hair. What can I say that will both let them know I’m aware of the vile things they’re saying but that I’m also too much of a dweeby dope at this point in the story to really confront them about it?

The pressure is immense. I mean, there’s two different but practically equal ways to phrase my thoughts here – and both were SOOOOOO funny back in 1922 when Fatty Arbuckle first uttered them. Man, this is gonna be one hilarious turn of events. I can’t wait to see the looks on their smug faces when they realize that the whole time they’d been gossiping, GUESS WHO was in earshot. Boom goes the dynamite!


So there you go – three mosquito lines to avoid at all costs. And if you decide to ignore my advice, don’t say I didn’t warn you if your characters revolt.

Or you come down with malaria.

Seriously, be careful out there.

photo credit: Joe in DC via photopin cc

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